Happy Birthday, Agatha!

Here's Aggie with her new stroller and baby doll from Gran. Happy Birthday, beautiful two-year-old girl! You are a joy every single day.

First Landing State Park

We're back from a week in Virginia, on the tippy-coastal end of the Chesapeake Bay, where it meets the Atlantic. This is the spot the Virginia colonists first landed when they founded Jamestown in 1607. Now it's a lovely state park with nice little CCC cabins from the 1930s, a sandy beach, and lots of nice hikes through varied terrain. The downside: it's an oasis of nature amid the vast, new strip malls and boulevards of Virginia Beach. I wonder what this area looked like only 30 years ago-- my guess is, pretty rural. (It's changed.) Furthermore, there are about a zillion Navy bases in the area. Our last evening we witnessed a battleship exercise down the beach featuring helicopters taking off and landing on the ship, whirring overhead, circling, and repeating, sometimes dangling guys beneath them. The park ranger said they had been jumping out with parachutes earlier, but we didn't see that. The massive Navy presence meant that the region seemed to be populated by SuperBeings. Normally, when we go out on a nature trail it's pretty deserted. But here there were super-fit people running and biking everywhere. It was un-American! Where were all the fat people?

The landscape was beautiful-- very southern, with hanging Spanish moss, and amazing cypress swamps. You'd think they'd be swarming with mosquitoes, but no. The ecosystem is in balance, and the mosquitoes and their larvae are eaten by other critters in the water. We swam and dug and saw lots of marine life-- horseshoe crabs, blue crabs, ghost crabs, hermit crabs, pelicans, dolphins swimming out to sea in the morning and into the bay in the evening. At the same time, there were always at least three and sometimes nine giant cargo ships parked in the bay just off the coast. Nature and human culture coexist there. I can see why the Chesapeake is so precious and so endangered.

Beach-bound

We're off to Virginia Beach tomorrow, for a week. A seven-hour drive... yikes. Hopefully, the dunes, waves, crabs, and forest paths will be worth it!

Ears All Clear

Henry had a check-up with the ENT yesterday, and the ears are all clear! We could tell he was hearing very well, because we can't whisper to each other anymore without him hearing what we're saying. But it was a relief to hear it from the doc. He said that "watchful waiting" and the warm weather of summer cleared it up, and that at Henry's age, he's probably grown out of the problem going forward.

30-50% Off

Henry is a challenging kid. We've been having some good times lately, and Michael and I have noticed that over the past couple of weeks, with no camps or school and all of us at home together, he's really been enjoying playing with his sister and they've been getting along well. But even so, he's a challenge. He is super stubborn, competitive, and determined to be the boss, and since I am too, this makes for a lot of conflict. Some days it feels like he digs his heels in and refuses to budge on every single thing, all day long, from wearing underwear to washing his hands to closing the door behind him to picking up his mess to coming in for dinner to... you name it. On those days, I spend all day speaking sternly to him about one thing after another. It's a drag for both of us.

For a long time, Michael and I have been conscious about saying "yes" to him as much as possible, and paying positive attention to him. We've also made deliberate efforts to be clear and forceful about the rules and consistent about enforcing them. We've seen his behavior as "testing the boundaries" and have responded by holding the line firm. Lots of timeouts, tantrums, and conflict have resulted. Have things really improved? Does our household run more smoothly and harmoniously as a result of all this effort? Not really. We usually get him to do what we want, but it comes at a high price in energy and goodwill. I do feel like it's my job as his mother to have high expectations for his behavior, to help him become a person of integrity. But I find myself in an adversarial relationship with him a great deal of the time, and worse, I find myself not liking him. Something needs to change.

So, on the recommendation of my easy-going mom, I'm going to try letting things go a lot more-- my goal is to let 30-50% of infractions pass without comment. This is going to be very hard for me. He comes in from the car, leaves the car door open and throws his shoes down on the sidewalk and leaves them there. What do I do? In the past I would have made him retrieve his shoes and close the door, and this would have involved a lot of stern words (me), whining or yelling (him), and at least a threat of a timeout (me). Even though it feels wrong, like injustice, I'm going to try to just pick up the shoes and close the door, at least a third of the time. I risk raising an ungrateful slob who expects others to pick up after him, but I guess I'm recognizing another risk, which is sustaining a poisonous negative spiral of accusation, scorn, and misbehavior.

I'll have to swallow my own pride, bossiness, and righteousness (at least 30-50% of the time). I hope it results in less yelling and more fun.

Usually and immediately

We've noticed both kids having lots of new words lately.

Yesterday, Agatha said "I usually play in the sandbox." Henry was trying to tell me about the Looney Tunes cartoon he had just experienced for the first time, but he couldn't remember every single funny part. "Mom, I'll have to watch it again and then I'll immediately tell you all the things and you can make a list."

Tomatoes, etc

Dr. Agatha Clapper

Learning chess this morning

Last year I canned 12 quarts and 24 pints; this year it was 19 quarts and 23 pints. I did it all in one day, yesterday. The universe and its inhabitants conspired to make it easy: the day was cool and cloudy; my tomatoes were waiting for me at the farmstand where I'd requested them; Henry played outside all day and Agatha played on her own with her new baby and doctor kit; and my mom fixed us dinner at the end of the day. I kept my canner boiling from 10:30 am till 5 pm, and stocked my cupboard for the winter. Such a good feeling!