Yesterday was again warm and beautiful-- we've had the loveliest November-- and Henry again spent most of it outdoors. He has a new fort, which has a slanted wooden roof, brick walls, a seat (overturned sand pail), trash can (old baking tin), a bowl for his food (he likes to take his dried fruits and nuts out there to eat), games, and a pile of rubber bands for shooting. And a gun rack, of course! Jokes about "Lord of the Flies" come easily, but seriously, he is busy creating his own, self-sufficient world out in nature.
A year ago I was all upset with his talk about superheroes and guns, but I've come to a new appreciation of the essential, primal boy-ness of Henry, and I want to protect and celebrate it. When he's loud and fast and raucous around my friends who are parents of quiet, studious boys-- much less of girls wearing princess dresses-- I am often a little embarrassed and try to shush him. There is something fundamentally anti-social, I think, about boyness. He does need to learn how to behave in and navigate institutions in order to get along in the world. But, as my friend Scott (parent of a boy) said last night, there is another world as well, the world of nature and danger and tough moral choices and tests of mettle, and he is also learning to thrive in that world. Guns and shooting and superheroes are very, very important to him, and I realized that I was dishonoring something fundamental in him when I was dismissing those as unworthy concerns. He is consumed with understanding and mastering powerful forces, and that's just what he should be doing to become a responsible, ethical man of integrity.
So yes, I think we will be buying him the Nerf guns for Christmas, and the set of army men. (On Thanksgiving, when asked what he was thankful for, he said "My war vehicles." Friend Scott quipped, "You and General McChrystal!") Shooting and war is here in the world, and I can't pretend it isn't. But I can try to let a boy grow himself into a man who knows how to use powerful tools and how to be powerful and just himself.
4 comments:
Love it!
Beautiful. This is the conversation we didn't get to have while we were in Lancaster, so I am glad to read your thoughts here. I was completely bowled over by boyland - the creative, resourceful, independent energy and perseverance required to create the fort, the brick structures, etc. It really is amazing, and what I would wish for every child - to have the opportunity to create an environment like this for him or her self. (Though this particular place is so essentially BOY, a big part of the awe it inspired in me). Hooray for letting our kids be themselves!
Scott's comment made me laugh out loud, everything is still and yet again relative! Henry is in a world that is exciting and engaging and creative for him. Yeah Henry. Auntie Grace
I could not agree more! We need to let our boys be the boys they desire to be. Miles spends the majority of his time outdoors hitting things with sticks and throwing rocks. He is already drawn to all things considered "boy." He also laughs when he passes gas of any kind. All boy.
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