Church

My new year's resolution this year, 2012-- the year of the dragon!--is to work on my spiritual growth, and to that end we have been attending church since Sunday, January 1st. I announced this to Michael on December 31st, and somewhat to my surprise he was eager and interested to join in this with me. So Michael and the kids have been coming too. We're attending the Unitarian Universalist church, which is the obvious immediate choice for so many reasons-- being the most liberal and accepting of denominations, it is accommodating of a person with so many doubts; some of our friends already attend there, so it seems comfortable; it has a beautiful building; and it is little more than a stone's throw from our house.

I have to credit yoga with opening me up to spiritual experience. The quieting of the mind that happens after vigorous physical activity has been a revelation. My natural inclination to be critical and analytical and intellectual has been honed by years of training, and turning the volume down on that part of my mind has helped me open up to other modes of perceiving the world, to be more peaceful and connected to others. The presentness of yoga has also been a gift: the idea that the past self is truly gone, and there is only the now. Thinking about this deeply can be transformative. Whatever I would like to be, think, do-- do it now. So I am.

I have also come to see the wisdom of the old saying about consistency being the hobgoblin of little minds. That I don't believe everything is no reason to believe nothing. That I see flaws is no reason to avoid it altogether. Walk the path, learn, and see where it takes you-- that's what I'm trying to do.

Besides wanting to become a better person and to grow, I also want to serve, to help the community more, and the church provides a structure for doing that. One realization of the last year has been the extent of our privilege, especially now that we are sending Henry to an elite (for Lancaster, at least) private school. It's taken me a while to adjust to the idea that we and our children are not really "average" anymore; we're well and truly the insiders, the ones with all the opportunities. If we are going to have all these privileges, we have to take more seriously our responsibility to give back.

It's a cliche to begin attending church only once you have children, and I partly resisted going because of this. But remembering the idea of presentness helps extraneous concerns like this melt away. And I do want Henry and Agatha to have a framework for thinking about the big questions of life. Even more of a stumbling block was the fact that my favorite yoga class occurs on Sunday mornings! So I have to miss it to go to church. Bummer. I'm trying to make it up at another point during the week.

So far, so good. Agatha goes to the nursery, which is a well-equipped preschool room where she can play and dress up and eat applesauce. Henry has gotten up his courage to join Sunday school-- or Faith Development Classes, as they're called there-- the past two weeks, and likes the crafts and songs. Actually, Henry took to the whole thing immediately, like a duck to water. Our first morning, he was first in line to place his stone in the dish of sand to mark a joy or sorrow. He sings heartily along with all the hymns, and wonders when it will be his turn to light the chalice. The boy loves ritual! Michael and I both love sitting in that beautiful space, hearing wise words, and singing in community. I know there's been some drama and conflict in the church, though I don't know the specifics, and I don't really care to know right now. It might not be the right place for us forever, but right now it is a new source of peace and contentment in our lives.